This is a subject that, depending on the circle of people in which it is mentioned, may even generate some controversy. Some people will categorically state that we should always be good, regardless of any situation; others, on edge, let’s say, will argue that if someone stabs at them once, they will not have a second chance.

It is clear that in both cases these people have their particular motivations, and this article does not aim to raise criticism but to reflect on the consequences of each motivation.

Obviously, the ideal for most people is that we should always be good. But in this line of thought, we also need to reflect on what it is to be good and what it is to be bad.

It is in the reflection of this duality that we can find some direction about this dilemma. As not being good does not necessarily mean being bad. And this is where many people get into a certain conflict.

That said, it is also necessary to also reflect on another question: our judgment of things. How can we really know if the help we are giving to someone can be a good or a bad thing?

This is not a simple matter. There are many issues involved, and in order to decipher this riddle, we must deeply explore ego motivations.

Some people end up being good because they cannot say no to each other. And in such cases, after the act of kindness, they may even feel certain anger at themselves.

Other people may also be generous for fear of being judged by others as a cruel or heartless person. Just as another person may decide not to be generous to someone else for fear of being judged as stupid. Note that in these two cases, the environment in which they are inserted interferes with their motivations. The question is, what would their decisions be if they did not have to care about someone else’s judgment? Going deeper, what would their decisions be if they did not have to deal with their own judgments internally? In these two cases, the object of motivation is no longer kindness but the desire for external approval.

Note that in the case of a person who has difficulty saying no, they do not necessarily have the desire to be good. Their most intimate wish would be to preserve themselves. It is precisely in this aspect that another question arises: what is the use of being generous to someone else when this action affects our own will?

When being generous to someone else means neglecting kindness to ourselves, then one has to question oneself. Of course, thoughts about whether or not being selfish will afflict the mind of the person who is going through this situation.

It is also important to raise another situation. We cannot ignore the fact that many people try to take advantage of the generous heart of others. It is easy to see this in relationships in which the one who tries to take advantage uses emotional blackmail to control the other. In this rather terrible aspect, one feels obligated to be kind so as not to feel the weight of guilt in their’s mind. Here too, kindness is not the object of motivation, but the relief of not feeling guilty. We may further suggest that the object of motivation, in this case, may also be the fear of losing another’s love, that is, the fear of being rejected.

By seeing all these points of view, would the limit of kindness be abuse? Would the limit of kindness be our self-love?

The true motivation of kindness should be born from the desire to serve others, not our own ego. As every time the motivation of kindness lies in the ego, there will be conflict in the mind.

When we finally learn to identify ego’s action in our thoughts, being good to each other can be just the opposite of what we might believe.

So, perhaps the best answer to this question would be:

We should always be good to people, but sometimes kindness is exactly not being kind. But it only works with a lot of love and understanding to identify our own ego and better see the needs of others.

Therefore, a ‘no’ becomes an act of love too.

Is love, then, the limit of kindness?

Photo by Milos Tonchevski on Unsplash